Friday, April 1, 2011

Fuck My Motherfucking Life

Shit.


Shit.  Shit.  SHIT.



I can barely even type right now, but I just couldn't keep this in, and telling you who don't actually know me makes the judgment less harsh.  I think.

I've talked a lot about life changing stuff over the last year.  Obviously, getting married is a big one.  I've had all sorts of job worries and worries about the future.

All of that combined doesn't measure up to even a tenth of what I'm feeling right now.

Guys, I'm pregnant.

WTF am I going to do?

You've been there, you've heard me say how I won't be ready for kids for years to come.  We're both barely making ends meet as it is, how the Hell are we supposed to afford a kid?  All my plans--going abroad, figuring out a career--none of them can happen with a kid.

Abortion seems like the only option.

And yet...I may not have the chance to have another one with my reproductive history.  It's a miracle this one came.  But why did it have to come now?

I have no idea what to do, where to start, what to think about...

This is so stupid, but with all of the thoughts swimming about in my head, the one I keep fixating on is that I'll never fit into my dress in 4 months with a baby belly.  How vain and pigheaded is that?  Maybe it's shock, maybe I just can't deal with the other stuff, and my brain is trying to save me.

Shit.  I can't do this.  I'm too young to have to deal with this.

What would you do?  Please help me, I need your advice!

6 comments:

  1. Damnit Nicole.. I typed out this whole long response and then I noticed the tag. I am actually terrified of this really happening because we want kids but we can't afford them at this point in our lives. I think about it a lot - what we would do, where we would go, etc.

    You got me!

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  2. Oh my God, you too! We're freaking out as well. We just learned this morning. Here's what I've come up with so far:

    1) I hear if you drink enough booze, you'll naturally abort...

    2) Maybe a swift punch to the stomach might help.

    3) Prostitution. You don't have to be worried about getting knocked up by some random john.

    That's my 2 cents, anyway. : )

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  3. OMG - wow!!! well i'm saying congrats but i know you don't feel ready for that right now! all i can say is you might not want to listen to your comments on this one and rather do what is best for YOU without feeling judged either way!

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  4. hahaha

    That was an awesome joke.

    ReplyDelete

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