Shit. Shit. SHIT.
I can barely even type right now, but I just couldn't keep this in, and telling you who don't actually know me makes the judgment less harsh. I think.
I've talked a lot about life changing stuff over the last year. Obviously, getting married is a big one. I've had all sorts of job worries and worries about the future.
All of that combined doesn't measure up to even a tenth of what I'm feeling right now.
Guys, I'm pregnant.
WTF am I going to do?
You've been there, you've heard me say how I won't be ready for kids for years to come. We're both barely making ends meet as it is, how the Hell are we supposed to afford a kid? All my plans--going abroad, figuring out a career--none of them can happen with a kid.
Abortion seems like the only option.
And yet...I may not have the chance to have another one with my reproductive history. It's a miracle this one came. But why did it have to come now?
I have no idea what to do, where to start, what to think about...
This is so stupid, but with all of the thoughts swimming about in my head, the one I keep fixating on is that I'll never fit into my dress in 4 months with a baby belly. How vain and pigheaded is that? Maybe it's shock, maybe I just can't deal with the other stuff, and my brain is trying to save me.
Shit. I can't do this. I'm too young to have to deal with this.
What would you do? Please help me, I need your advice!