Friday, April 1, 2011

Fuck My Motherfucking Life


Shit.  Shit.  SHIT.

I can barely even type right now, but I just couldn't keep this in, and telling you who don't actually know me makes the judgment less harsh.  I think.

I've talked a lot about life changing stuff over the last year.  Obviously, getting married is a big one.  I've had all sorts of job worries and worries about the future.

All of that combined doesn't measure up to even a tenth of what I'm feeling right now.

Guys, I'm pregnant.

WTF am I going to do?

You've been there, you've heard me say how I won't be ready for kids for years to come.  We're both barely making ends meet as it is, how the Hell are we supposed to afford a kid?  All my plans--going abroad, figuring out a career--none of them can happen with a kid.

Abortion seems like the only option.

And yet...I may not have the chance to have another one with my reproductive history.  It's a miracle this one came.  But why did it have to come now?

I have no idea what to do, where to start, what to think about...

This is so stupid, but with all of the thoughts swimming about in my head, the one I keep fixating on is that I'll never fit into my dress in 4 months with a baby belly.  How vain and pigheaded is that?  Maybe it's shock, maybe I just can't deal with the other stuff, and my brain is trying to save me.

Shit.  I can't do this.  I'm too young to have to deal with this.

What would you do?  Please help me, I need your advice!


  1. Damnit Nicole.. I typed out this whole long response and then I noticed the tag. I am actually terrified of this really happening because we want kids but we can't afford them at this point in our lives. I think about it a lot - what we would do, where we would go, etc.

    You got me!

  2. Oh my God, you too! We're freaking out as well. We just learned this morning. Here's what I've come up with so far:

    1) I hear if you drink enough booze, you'll naturally abort...

    2) Maybe a swift punch to the stomach might help.

    3) Prostitution. You don't have to be worried about getting knocked up by some random john.

    That's my 2 cents, anyway. : )

  3. OMG - wow!!! well i'm saying congrats but i know you don't feel ready for that right now! all i can say is you might not want to listen to your comments on this one and rather do what is best for YOU without feeling judged either way!

  4. hahaha

    That was an awesome joke.


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