Can You Feel the Love Tonight: The Reception Begins

Finally...finally...we got to the reception.

I thought a lot about how to enter.  I had seen a lot of couples on OffbeatBride.com enter to songs like the "Emperor's March" from Star Wars and was determined to do something as cool.  Daniel was totally on board.  We had several candidates in our short list, but in the end, there was only one real contender:

Aside from the fact (yes, fact) that Indiana Jones is awesome, I have strong emotional attachments to the "Raiders Theme" from the Indy ride at Disneyland and from this:

Yeah, you're going to have it stuck in your head for at least a week now.  Sorry.  Anyway, Daniel has strong emotional attachments to Indy as well, and it's just such a perfect entrance song.  Anyway.

Photos by Stephen Cheng.

We started eating straight away because we were so late.  Thank goodness we already had chips, salsa, and guacamole on the tables!

Trying to catch up to our schedule, we went into the toasts pretty quickly.

I won't bore you too much with things that people said about us that were super awesome but that you wouldn't understand.  I do, however, feel inclined to share a bit about my maid of honor's toast.  You will need some back story to understand it.  As you all know, I am completely obsessed with Disneyland.  As such, I have a tendency to gravitate towards other such inflicted people as well as convert others to the cause of Disneymania.  Seema, my MOH, was one such convert, and I became friends with her friend Alison because of our shared love of Disney and Harry Potter.  Together, we were the Disney Dorks.  We had our own princess club:  I was Ariel, Alison was Belle, and Seema was Jasmine.  By the way, we were in high school when all this started.  Yes, we're that cool.

Anywho, Seema's toast relied heavily upon this obsession, but her toast more than the others was well-written, very personal, but still accessible, and very well put together, I thought.

Reading toasts is boring, so you can watch instead.

I loved all of the toasts.  They all meant a lot to me, especially those given by my family, as I'm sure Daniel's family's were to him.  I'm so glad we got them on video though because I really don't remember what most people said.  I just know that in the moment, I felt very loved.

 My Brother's Toast Produced This

 My Husband's and My Reactions to Bad Jokes

By the way, advice to future toast givers:  remember to take your glass with you!  Almost everyone forgot theirs.

As soon as dinner came to a close, it was time to move back the tables and break out the dancing!  We made use of the time that the tables and chairs in the center were being moved to go over our Daniel and Nicole quiz.

Care to take a guess?  This was our quiz:

Answers at the Bottom

No one got all of them right.  We made it pretty hard so that we wouldn't have too many winners.  However, Daniel's younger cousin changed his answers as we were giving out the right ones so that he would win.  I was like, "Um, no," but their grandma vouched for him, and for some reason, Daniel thought that was good enough, so he "won."  Ironic, because he's still in high school, and the prize was a bottle of Jamaican rum in honor of our honeymoon.  His parents have it locked away until he turns 21.

Cheater!

We also took advantage of the open space to get some group pictures before the dancing began.

 The BookWorlders Being Bookish

My Best Friends from College

The boys snuck Daniel away for forced tequila shots...

 ...while I finally got some shots with my flower girl.

And then, it was time to dance!

Quiz Answers:  e, d, d, a, true (barely)

Which toasts were most meaningful to you?  Why?  Did you do anything out of the ordinary at your reception?

The Final Countdown: Friday Night, or the Not Rehearsal Dinner

We did not have a traditional rehearsal dinner in any sense of the word.  We wanted to get together with people the day before but could not afford to make a big thing out of it, so we ended up throwing out some appetizers and wine at one of the hotels people were staying at and called it a day.

We seriously owe Daniel's dad and his girlfriend for getting everything ready for us because there was NO WAY we would have had time to do it ourselves.  We barely had time to get the drinks.

But I'm really glad we did this.  The wedding went by so fast, it was nice to have extra time to just hang out with the people we love but do not see very often.  We both talked to people that night that we never even saw during the wedding which was good.  Plus, it gave people time to mingle and make friends with each other before the wedding (and ask me about what was going on with Daniel's mom, so they weren't asking during the wedding).  We were really impressed by how well everyone got on with each other.

I don't have a lot of pictures from the not rehearsal dinner--no one was really thinking about it at that point--but I think this one of me and my dad really says it all:

Me and My Dad

Once I was on the point of collapse from being so exhausted, we FINALLY had a little downtime in our room.  The best thing about the hotel we chose to stay in was the large jacuzzi tub, and we sunk into it for the 45 minutes of free time we had before we had to finish the dancing playlist and go to bed.

The next day, the wedding was ON!

Bachelorette Party, You Were Not Supposed to Be This Complicated

Half of the 478390789543 emails I sent my bridesmaids the other day were about the bachelorette party.

The bachelorette party has always been kind of problematic because no one I know lives in the same area.  My lady friends are spread out all across California and beyond, and none of them live near me (closest friend invited to the wedding is an hour away).

I wanted to do something that would be doable for everyone (at least everyone in California).  That meant doing the bachelorette party in Southern California but ideally north of LA so that I and the other NorCal residents wouldn't have to drive as far.  Once I started thinking about it that way, the "where" was easy to decide:  Santa Barbara.

I freaking love Santa Barbara.  If I was going to pick anywhere to settle down, it would be there.  It's the perfect compromise between NorCal and SoCal, both for our lives and for this party.

It would have been a whirlwind weekend of wine tastings, beach lounging, and the requisite karaoke bar (karaoke bar = love) with a kind of "Sideways but less depressing" theme.

However, finding a time to go became problematic very quickly.  My work schedule is extremely unpredictable, and I had to wait to figure it out until I got my summer schedule.  That left only one weekend when I could go with all of the other crap that's going on this summer, and my MOH couldn't do it that weekend.

Saying I was disappointed would be a pretty intense understatement.  I didn't want to have my bachelorette party without my MOH, but I couldn't see another way to even HAVE a bachelorette party.

So I sent out a tester email, trying to get an idea of how many people would go the one weekend I could do it.  The results were staggeringly disappointing.  Despite my assurances that we would do this as cheaply as possible, very few people were willing to go, and money was the main deterrent.

I get that this is my big day and not theirs, and I get that a lot of my friends don't have a lot of money right now.  I'm in the same boat finance-wise, so I really do understand their situation.  But I was heartbroken to see the overwhelming lack of enthusiasm.  I tried SO HARD to find something that would cause as little inconvenience as possible to everyone, and still my "friends" couldn't be bothered to even try to work it out for the most part.

All of the bloggers I read seem to have such awesome friends.  They expound on the amazingly thoughtful parties their friends and families throw for them, tell us how impressed and touched they are by the effort they put into their bridal showers and bachelorette parties.  Seeing that and having my friends not even bother to show up.  Or even try to show up.  Or even say they're really sorry that they won't be able to make it.  That stings.  And makes me wonder what I did wrong in my life to not have the amazing thoughtful and devoted friends that other bloggers seem to have.

This happened the same week that my not bridesmaid told me she was not coming to the wedding, that I called my MOH 3 times and left urgent messages that she decided not to return before leaving for the Cayman Islands, and that I was reminded that I have been in San Jose almost 4 months without making any real friends.  I really was not feeling the love last week.

There were a few exceptions.  A couple of people were actually excited, and a couple of people said they would try their very best to be there for me no matter what.  That was reassuring.  But on the whole, the response was so underwhelming that I gave up on my dream bachelorette party.  Definitely not worth excluding my MOH, taking off work, driving down there, and spending money when no one wants to go anyway.

So I was back to square one.  Square one was not teeming with options.  For a week, I went over every possibility until it finally hit me.

You see, the only other time I could have a bachelorette party in SoCal was when I went down to visit my family at the end of July.  I would be at home for one day during which I already had to have my bridal shower and hair trial, and I had to be at the airport at 4pm.  I figured the only real option was to combine the bridal shower and bachelorette party and have 2 hours for each.

Obviously, this was not a fantastic option.  After my epic bachelorette weekend plan, having only 2 hours on a Sunday afternoon really sounded lame.  Plus, none of the NorCal people would be able/willing to come down for that (which I definitely cannot blame them for).

But that's when I realized there was only one option that could actually work:  I would have 2 bachelorette parties!  The short one for the SoCal people, and one for the NorCal people whenever I wanted!

At least this way, I'll be able to have my friends and a real bachelorette party.  True, I won't have both at once for the most part, and I'll probably have to plan the NorCal one myself (L.A.M.E.), but it's better than just having a SoCal or NorCal one.

And so I have passed off responsibility for my party to my bridesmaids and other willing helpers.  I am relieved not to have to worry about setting a date or planning (much) anymore.  And while I still wish I could do something bigger, the current plan is at least a decent one.

Please tell me I am not the only one.  Please tell me your peeps disappointed you too at some point during the wedding process.  Please share your stories, so I don't feel so alone.

Daniel and I both love dogs, and after seeing some totally awesome "wedding dog" gear, I was totally into having my dog be our wedding dog.

I mean really, aren't these adorable?

Wedding Dog Bandana

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All right, so Yeller would never actually abide being dressed up like that--particularly because he's a boy--but I still think it's cute.

Anyway, aside from the cuteness, Yeller has been an immensely important part of my life.  We got him when I was seven and volunteering at an animal shelter.  Up until that point, I had always thought of myself as a cat person (I've had six cats in my life and had three at the time), but Yeller completely changed my mind.  He was always there for me when I was sad, was always sweet and caring and sensitive to others' needs before his own.  I know everyone thinks their dog is the best dog in the world, but he really was special.  He is the best person I have ever known.

I'd love to have all of my animals at my wedding, but I would just feel weird not having Yeller there.  He means much more to me than many of the relatives and even friends that will be attending, and I can't imagine going through such a big step in my life without him.  So I've been on the look out for ways to incorporate him into the wedding.

I'd tell you about the ideas I've had except it doesn't matter now.  He died on Sunday.

Once I had stopped crying for a bit and become coherent enough to think, I started thinking about the fact that he won't be there for my wedding.  That got me thinking about all of the other people/pets who have passed or just won't be able to come.  Between the two of us, Daniel and I have three grandparents, three dogs, five cats, and who knows how many guests who will be absent.  I would like to be able to honor them and make their presence known somehow.

So I'm thinking about doing a small table with pictures of people (used loosely) who we wish could be there, so it will seem a little more like they're there in spirit.  I think this would mean a lot to our families, and it might make us feel a little better about the souls we wish could come.

Other than that, we'll just have to hope they're there in spirit.

Friendship

All right, I'm breaking down and doing a life post.  Because frankly life matters more to me than the wedding right now.

I'm not the girl who always had a million friends.  I'm the girl who always had a few close friends with whom I had cultivated friendships over many years.

Given the length of time I tend to put into relationships, the fact that I move constantly (I have lived in this apartment almost a year which is the longest I've lived in one place since high school) makes life difficult for me in the making friends department.  I've gotten a lot better at it since starting college, but it's still difficult for me to feel close to someone that I know I'm only going to be around for a few months.  Add to that the fact that starting a friendship is like work to me and that I really just wanted to be around Daniel this year after being apart for two years, and you'll see why I've had trouble making friends here.

That is, until recently.

My life is generally ruled by irony.  So of course of the five jobs I've had in Chicago, the last one is the one in which I've met people I really like.  Don't get me wrong, there are some people from other jobs that I've cultivated friendships with and that I still hang out with, but it wasn't until I started working at the census that I really found my niche.

Not that my job is glamorous or anything, but given the current economic suckiness, there are a lot of smart, capable, well-educated people working at the census.  And the people I work with are really amazing.

We get on really well.  We have for a long time, but it wasn't until people started leaving that we all started hanging out together outside of work (See?  See the irony that is my life?).  So now I actually care about these people, and I'm totally going to miss them when I leave in two weeks, and I'm also probably never going to see them again.

Sigh.

And now comes my lame attempt to tie this into marriage.  You see, I'm one of those people who tends to get really wrapped up in their relationship (read:  when I'm in a relationship, I kind of ignore my friends).  I've made an effort to limit this effect since I've been with Daniel because things were always going to be more permanent with Daniel, and I didn't want to look back on my life at some point and realize I have no close friends.

Still, I worry.  During my second year of college, the first year Daniel and I were together, I definitely used him as too singular a source of entertainment.  When we were apart, and I didn't have him to fall back on, I definitely created stronger friendships with other people, one of whom will be a bridesmaid.  But this year I've fallen back to my old ways a little more than I probably should have.

This is actually bad for our relationship.  We love spending time together, so it's easy for us to only hang out with each other.  However, there are some interests that we just don't share, and it's good to have friends with whom we can do the things the other doesn't care for.  And of course it's always good to have friends anyway!

I worry that married life will lead me to not have close friends down the road.  I have reason:  my parents.  Neither of them really hang out with anyone else.  This can be a problem as my dad is gone half the year, especially since I'm not living anywhere near home anymore, and my brother has been the very definition of a teenager since I left, and now he's going to college too.  My mom says she doesn't mind being alone, but she still gets lonely sometimes.

I could easily become that after having kids, and I really don't want to.

So I've made a pact with myself to not let my friends slip away after I get married or even after I have kids.  They're too important for that, and so is having people in my life besides family.

Ah, but here comes that irony again.  As I've said before, I really want to travel.  Traveling means making new friends...that you will never or rarely see again when you come home.  Something I've definitely already experienced.

I'm pretty good at keeping in touch with people long distance, but when you have to keep in touch with EVERYONE that way, it just becomes too much.  You have to pick and choose, and there's still a lot of work that goes into the people you do choose, and sometimes I just can't bring myself to make all the phone calls or write all the letters or emails or whatever (read:  I'm sorry I haven't made contact with you for three months, forgive me, I'm coming home soon!).

It's easy to let the far away people go.

But if you travel all the time, that's everyone.

And it is for that reason that it's probably good that Daniel doesn't want to spend a big chunk of our lives traveling.  Because close, personal relationships are important to me, and the longer I'm away from my friends at home, and the more it pains me to say goodbye to my friends here, the more I think it might be good for me to be grounded.  Because in the end, relationships really do matter more than touching all seven continents.

I guess that's kind of why I'm getting married so young.

People I Miss

All Personal Photos or Friends' Personal Photos