Can You Feel the Love Tonight: The Vows

Of course, our vows were my favorite part of the ceremony.  Since we wrote the rest of the ceremony, we couldn't very well not write our own vows.  We made a strong effort to keep them secret until the wedding, but we did talk a little bit about structure, so they wouldn't be completely different.  Though we kept the discussions pretty limited, our vows ended up being similar which was nice.

As per usz, photos by Stephen Cheng Photography.

Daniel made me go first.

            When I look at you, I see the man I want to spend my life with.  And it’s not because of your intelligence or career, looks or outward appeal, though those thing are nice too.  It’s because of your kindness and caring, what you give of yourself, your loving and loveableness.

            You are so selfless that I often feel humbled by your giving nature, so much so that I have to be a better person to even things out.  You are a real-life hero, and I will be proud to call you my husband.

            But the biggest reason I want to marry you is because we fit so well together.  I love doing things with you, and I always miss you when you’re not around because everything is so much more fun when you’re there.  You are, above all, my best friend, and that is why I want to spend my life with you.

 (I don't know wtf was going on here.  Apparently, I wanted to convey something intensely [or was constipated?  Seriously, no idea].)

            At the same time, I know things are not always perfect, and we’ll never agree on everything.  That is why I make the following promises to you, so that even when things could be better, they won’t be too bad because we’ll have each other.

As your partner in life, I promise…

·      To be considerate of your wishes

·      To try not to stress the little things or nag incessantly

·      To tell you when something’s bothering me

·      I promise to play games with you and not make fun of the ones I don’t want to play

·      To not hate The Lord of the Rings

·      And to try not to make you crazy on purpose…most of the time

·      I promise to comfort you when you feel sad or alone

·      To take care of you when you don’t feel good

·      To talk with you, laugh with you, and listen to you

·      I promise to remember things for you as long as you remember our anniversary

·      To do the laundry as long as you do the dishes

·      And to drink water, eat enough, and try to sleep

·      I promise not to try to control things I shouldn’t

·      To try to be positive and not complain too much

·      And to always do my share

·      I promise to agree on a reasonable household temperature

·      To at some point obtain a dog

·      And to at some point obtain a child

·      I promise to give you hugs and kisses more than once a day

·      To spend time with you

·      And to make time for you even when I’m busy

·      I promise to try to take out the garbage 50% of the time

·      To try not to steal the covers

·      And to always do something good for our anniversary

·      I promise to say, “I love you,” everyday and mean it

·      To help you when you need help

·      And to work at this everyday

·      But above all, I promise to love you

(Note:  we stole this next part from somewhere.  I forget where.  We found it online.  It's one of the very few things in the ceremony that we did not write--quotes excepted of course.)

As a ring has no end, neither shall my love for you.  Let this ring be a symbol of my vows to you and a reminder of my devotion.  I will always be honored to be your wife.

(Then is was Daniel's turn.)

Nicole Elyse, my beautiful sunflower girl...

When I met you, I never expected this to happen.  I just thought a date with you would be fun.  I hoped you would like me and I hoped I would like you.  I never imagined I would fall in love with you.  I certainly didn’t think it would happen so quickly.  I’m so proud to stand here today and tell everyone I care for how much you’ve given me.

I love you.

I love the way you smile when you say my name. 

I love that I can make you laugh, and make you smile.

I love that when we argue, you never let us go to bed angry.

When I hear a funny joke, I always think, “Nicole would like that.”

When I’ve stopped believing in myself, you help me see through your eyes.

If I had a pinch of faerie dust, you would be the thought to make me fly.

To me, you will always be the most beautiful woman in the world. 

The only thing greater than your beauty is the heart you have inside.

It is your heart that makes you try so hard to do the right thing.

Your heart is what made me fall in love with you.

Nicole, you are the stars in my sky and all the smiles of my life.

Because of you, I will get to raise our children.

Because of you, I have seen things and been places I never would have.

Because of you, I will always know what day of the week it is.

Because of you, I laugh at least once every day.

Because of you, I will be a better version of myself.

For all of this and more, I make these promises to you:

I will always love you as I do on this day.

I will always be your best friend, as you are mine.

When you cry, I will be there to dry your tears.

When you laugh, I will laugh with you.

Whenever you are sad, I won’t give up until I’ve made you smile.

Whenever you need to be tickled, I’ll make sure it doesn’t last too long.

If you are tired, I will help you go to sleep.

If you have a Disneyland annual pass, I will buy one too.

I will share all of my secrets with you.

I will keep sacred all the secrets you share with me.

If you are grumpy, I won’t take it personally.

If you are sick, I will make you husband soup.

While we are young, I will always romp and play with you.

When we are old, I will make sure we are one of those cute old couples still in love.

I promise I will never stop having fun with you.

And I promise I will never stop saying I love you,

For the rest of my life, I am your Daniel.

As a ring has no end, neither shall my love for you.  Let this ring be a symbol of my vows to you and a reminder of my devotion.  I will always be honored to be your husband.

 (We followed with a quote together, alternating lines until the last.)

You and I Have so much love,
That it Burns like a fire,
In which we bake a lump of clay
Molded into a figure of you And a figure of me.
Then we take both of them, And break them into pieces,
And mix the pieces with water,
And mold again a figure of you, And a figure of me.
I am in your clay.

(Finally, it was time for the official vows.  This we kept traditional.  It was very important to me that we do so.  I never really planned out my wedding when I was little; the one thing I planned on was saying these words.)

Do you, Nicole/Daniel, take Daniel/Nicole to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, to honor and to cherish, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, as long as you both shall live?

I do. 

By the power vested in me by the state of California, I now pronounce you husband and wife.  You may kiss the bride.

We planned that kiss for months.  Screw regular kisses.  We get those all the time.  We wanted this one to be legen (wait for it) dary.  Since the invention of the kiss there have been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one was to leave them all behind.

OK, it wasn't really that good, but it was a lot cooler than not dipping in a massively undippable dress.

 Then there was only one thing left to do.  The one part of our ceremony that catered to Jewish tradition.  Together, we stomped on a glass.

It's supposed to just be the guy that does it, but I couldn't resist joining the glass-breaking fun.  I still don't know what the point of this tradition is.  According to Daniel, there isn't one.  But hey, breaking things is always fun.

Then, all we had left to do was walk back up the aisle.

But the fun wasn't over yet!  Since our first date when we notoriously did not watch it, The Lion King has been a part of our relationship.  Both of us count it as a favorite movie, our first kiss was less than five minutes in, and it sparked the everlasting "you pulled me, no you jumped in my lap" debate.  We had no choice but to incorporate it into the wedding.

And we did it with style.

Not only did we walk back up the aisle to "Can You Feel the Love Tonight," but Daniel arranged a little lipsynching for the groomsmen first.

They acted out the Timon and Pumba bit in the beginning.  It was awesome.

As we walked back up the stairs, we thought the ceremony was over, but there was one last surprise that awaited us.  You see, there were still a ton of people up there who had apparently been watching our affair from atop the stairs.  As we reached them, a storm of applause greeted us.  We were astounded and touched by the whistles, cheering, and sheer sound of it all.  It was a great way to end our ceremony.

But now, the reception awaited.

How did you choose your vows?  What was important for you to include?  Did you get any pleasant surprises during your ceremony?

Can You Feel the Love Tonight: The Ceremony

The ceremony was absolutely my favorite part of the wedding.  Daniel's too.  We wrote the whole thing ourselves (minus a brief introduction from our officiant), and we're darn proud of it.

At first, we (mostly I) did research online about other people's ceremonies from traditional Catholic to quotes about zombies.  But nothing really seemed right.  We knew there were things we didn't want in our ceremony.  Neither of us is religious, and I'm anti-organized religion, so anything along that route was out.  We thought about including some Jewish traditions for Daniel, but in the end, there was only one he decided to go with, and it was barely part of the ceremony.  We both like books, but we didn't want our wedding to be overtaken by Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings quotes (though to be fair, we had one from each).  And any other examples of ceremonies we found just didn't feel quite like us.

So in the end, we threw out the book on how to write your own ceremony and wrote about things that were important to us.  Our ceremony told the story of our relationship--past, present, and future--interspersed with quotes we thought were prudent to us and our story, presented by the people most important to us.  It was like nothing we had ever seen, but it truly represented us and our relationship, and we were very proud of it.

The most touching thing we experienced during our wedding was how much our guests loved it too.

I would never expect someone's favorite part of somebody else's wedding to be the ceremony, but we had quite a number of people tell us how much they loved ours.  Several people said the ceremony was their favorite part of the wedding.  A couple of people, including Daniel's grandmother who has not only watched her three children get married but also two of her other grandchildren, told us that they had never cried at a wedding before, but that our ceremony brought tears to their eyes.

I cannot tell you how much it meant to me that our ceremony meant so much to so many people.

But at the end of the day, all that mattered was how much it meant to us.

I debated how to present our ceremony to you.  I know reading someone else's ceremony is not the most exciting thing ever, but because it was so unique, I feel I should share it in case it inspires someone else.  And so, I am recounting pretty much everything to we wrote ourselves, but I promise not to be offended if you just look at the pretty pictures.

As per usual, all photos by Stephen Cheng Photography.

We are here to open a new chapter in Daniel and Nicole’s relationship.  For the last five years they have been committed to each other, but today they affirm that commitment before their family, friends, and the world.

They stand before you because they know their lives will be better together than apart.  They are prepared for all the hardships life might throw at them.  Theirs is a union that will endure: Through happy times, hard times, new jobs, new places, and new adventures.  Nicole and Daniel are here because they are ready to face them all, as long as they can do it together.

The vows they make today are both promises for the future and reminders of the years already shared.  From today, Nicole and Daniel choose to walk a single path.  To appreciate that choice, we must look back at the two paths they walked before.  For each step along those paths, they have chosen a fitting passage to be read by a loved one. 

It all started with a group of students who loved fantasy books.  They taught classes on books like The Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter and formed a club called BookWorlds.  It was in BookWorlds where Nicole first saw Daniel.  She was immediately struck by his passion for the books she loved, and his sparkling brown eyes.  Daniel took a little longer to notice her, but once he did, he was smitten, not knowing anything about the enchanting young woman or where she would lead him.

(Groomsman Andrew) 

The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.And whither then? I cannot say

(Bridesmaid Megan)

There is a room in the Department of Mysteries, that is kept locked at all times.  It contains a force that is at once more wonderful and more terrible than death, than human intelligence, than the forces of nature.  It is also, perhaps, the most mysterious of the many subjects for study that reside there.  It is the power held within that room that you possess in such quantities....That power took you to save Sirius tonight....In the end...It was your heart that saved you.

  

Their first date soon followed.  Like many couples, they began with dinner and a movie, though Thai food and The Lion King are a bit atypical.  Before the first scene ended, they had already shared their first kiss.  They never could agree on who started it.  To this day, Nicole insists that Daniel pulled her while he claims she jumped in his lap.  But they quickly overcame this great debate as that first summer progressed.  Those who watched them can testify to how quickly Nicole and Daniel fell for each other. 

 (We had Joey and Heather, married friends of ours, read the following passage together.  Imagine them alternating lines in the first stanza and reading the second together)

The red rose whispers of passion,
And the white rose breathes of love;
Oh, the red rose is a falcon,
And the white rose is a dove

But I send you a cream-white rosebud
With a flush on its petal tips;
For the love that is purest and sweetest
Has a kiss of desire on the lips.

(My Parents)

Finally, the new school year began, and they were together.  Sooner than anyone expected, they were living together too.  Nicole would like to take this opportunity to thank her parents for allowing such a young woman to move in with her much older boyfriend.  She would also like to establish that no 19-year-old daughter of hers should expect the same generosity.  But thanks anyway, because those months brought great happiness to them both.

(Father of the Bride)

Because I love you truly,
Because you love me, too,
My very greatest happiness
Is sharing life with you.
Brew me a cup for a winter’s night.
For the wind howls loud and the furies fight;
Spice it with love and stir it with care,
And I’ll taste your bright eyes, my sweetheart fair.

Months later, tragedy struck.  Daniel was accepted to law school, over 2,000 miles away.  In August of 2007, they packed their bags and moved, him to Chicago and her to England.  Their greatest challenge had arrived, two years of long distance, first separated by an ocean, and then by a continent.  They missed each other desperately.  Even with letters, cell phones, video chats, and email, the absence was overwhelming.  They needed each other.

  (Groomslady Becca)

To love is not to possess,
To own or imprison,
Nor to lose one's self in another.
Love is to join and separate,
To walk alone and together,
To find a laughing freedom
That lonely isolation does not permit.
It is finally to be able
To be who we really are
No longer clinging in childish dependency
Nor docilely living separate lives in silence,
It is to be perfectly one's self
And perfectly joined in permanent commitment
To another--and to one's inner self.
Love only endures when it moves like waves,
Receding and returning gently or passionately,
Or moving lovingly like the tide
In the moon's own predictable harmony,
Because finally, despite a child's scars
Or an adult's deepest wounds,
They are openly free to be
Who they really are--and always secretly were,
In the very core of their being
Where true and lasting love can alone abide.

 (OK, so I don't know when this actually was during the ceremony--I think it was actually during the vows--but I just have to say, "What the Hell, Man!"  Seriously, Father-in-Law, you musn't look at your son and new daughter-in-law like that!  And you're corrupting Heather!"  Haha, the sun was pretty bright in everyone's eyes, but it was the worst in mine, and I don't have any pictures like that.)

A little worse for wear, they survived their separation and continued to think about the future.  Showing great wisdom and foresight, Daniel asked Nicole to marry him.  A few months later, Nicole exhibited an equally great amount of idiocy by breaking off their engagement.  Of course, all was well in the end, because Nicole corrected her most grievous error.  On Christmas Eve of 2009, she asked him to marry her.  This time, the engagement stuck.  Or at least it will have if we can get through the next 15 minutes.

  (Father of the Groom)

Ultimately there comes a moment when a decision must be made. Two people who love each other must ask themselves how much they hope for as their love grows and deepens, and how much risk they are willing to take. It is indeed a fearful gamble. Because it is the nature of love to create, a marriage itself is something which has to be created, so that, together we become a new creature.

To marry is the biggest risk of any human relations. If we commit ourselves to one person for life this is not, as many people think, a rejection of freedom; rather it demands the courage to move into all the risks of freedom, and the risk of love which is permanent; into that love which is not possession, but participation. It takes a lifetime to learn another person. When love is not possession, but participation, then it is part of that co-creation which is our human calling, and which implies such risk that it is often rejected.

After two years apart, they were together and engaged.  Nicole joined Daniel in Chicago where they faced life’s hardships together.  After mountains of job applications and the brutal experience of law school, they happily returned to California where their future awaited.  They vowed never to part again.

(Maid of Honor Seema)

 

When buffeted and beaten by life’s storms,
When by the bitter cares of life oppressed,
I want no surer haven than your arms,
I want no sweeter heaven than your breast.
When over my life’s way there falls the blight
Of sunless days, and nights of starless skies;
Enough for me, the calm and steadfast light
That softly shines within your loving eyes.
The world, for me, and all the world can hold
Is circled by your arms; for me there lies,
Within the lights and shadows of your eyes,
The only beauty that is never old.

Nicole and Daniel are here to show their commitment to a bright future together.  They stand in front of you, their family and friends, as a couple that is ready to withstand whatever life has to offer.  They have faith in this marriage and in each other.  From this day forward, all their joys and all their tears will be shared.  And they intend to have lots of laughs along the way.

 (Mother of the Bride)

Now you will feel no rain, for each of you will be shelter to the other.
Now you will feel no cold, for each of you will be warmth to the other.
Now there is no more loneliness, for each of you will be companion to the other.
Now you are two bodies, but there is only one life before you.
Go now to your dwelling place To enter into the days of your togetherness
And may your days be good and long upon the earth.
 

(Side note:  this was my favorite quote when it was delivered.  This is a Native American wedding blessing, and when I was young, I was really into Native American culture.  My mom and I would read their stories all the time.  When my mom read this blessing, it was like a return to my childhood, reading those stories together again, but even those who knew none of that were touched by her rendition.  She utterly nailed it.) 

(Finally, we had my brother perform "The Book of Love."  When Daniel first said he wanted to use that song in the ceremony, I was against it.  The two renditions I'd heard of it depress the Hell out of me.  Still, I started to think about how we could make it work.  Then, I thought of Cody.  He is a musician, so we wanted to have him play for us already, and "The Book of Love" was perfect.  It's the only lovey song I can think of that Cody would ever agree to play; his music could depress the Hell out of a rock.  It was a match made in...I don't want to say Hell, but it sure wasn't Heaven, so...somewhere nice.)

 

 

Finally, it was time for the vows!

How did you choose your ceremony?  What was important for you to include?  Also, if you want to know where any of the quotes came from, ask in the comments.