It seems I have come across a bit of a lull bloggingwise of late. It's ironic, this is almost the first time that I'm not just reading about other people's ideas or dreaming up my own but am in fact making appointments to look at venues in California while I'm there next month. Oddly enough, this has caused downtime for me creatively. I figure, if I might have a venue in a few weeks, might as well wait on the real planning until I have it.
Anyway, due to my lack of interesting things to say, I thought this might be a good time to talk about last names.
In many ways, I have distinct feminist tendencies. This is not one of them. Growing up, I never doubted for a second that I would take my husband's last name, and the reason is simple: I hate my last name. It is common, boring, and, most bothersome to me, a boy's first name. I have been looking forward to getting rid of it for years.
And then I met Daniel. Daniel's last name isn't horrible. It's easy to spell without being ridiculously common. Nonetheless, it's really not what I was hoping for in a new last name, and though it is not a boy's first name, it does end in "man." I find this very problematic.
It's not that I'm not still planning to change my last name because I am, but for the first time, it's not such an appealing prospect. What I'd really like to do is have both of us change our last names to something meaningful to both of us. We often joke that we should change our last name to "Awesome" (anyone out there watch "How I Met Your Mother"?). That would be legend (wait for it) dary! Of course, I'm not expecting something like that. But we could make it work. Once I tried to find the perfect last name for us, and the best I could come up with was Roberts. As in, the Dread Pirate Roberts. Which as anyone who knows (loves...worships...) the fantastical movie for which my blog is named should know, would be pretty fucking awesome...for the select few who knew the reference anyway.
There are a lot of possibilities, but I think that even if I came up with the perfect name, Daniel still wouldn't go for it. He hasn't said no outright, but it's been pretty clear to me that he's not crazy about actually doing this.
I find this extremely unfair. I know millions of women have said this, but I still find it problematic that a woman should be expected to give up her name for the man. I don't want to have separate last names, but why am I the only one who has to give mine up? Why is it so foreign for both couples to give up their last names?
I don't want Daniel to do it if he's not comfortable with it. It just bothers me that this is so uncommon that my fiance who is almost more of a feminist than I am won't really consider giving his name up, mostly because it was never something he would be expected to do. I don't blame him, I blame the norm. And at the risk of sounding like an angsty pubescent, it just sucks.
I guess maybe this is a way in which I have distinct feminine tendencies after all.
So, thoughts? Are you giving up your last name? Would you ever consider inventing a new last name? How do you feel about the name game?
P.S. I know a lot of people have had trouble with comments lately, and I know I've had trouble receiving them in the past. If you're having trouble commenting, would you mind sending me a quick email, just so I know and can try to fix it? I'd really appreciate it. You can find me at firstname.lastname@example.org.