Saturday, May 21, 2011


I've talked before about my views on changing my name (summary:  I don't like my last name or his, and I'm going with his because it's easier even though I'm not too happy about it), but there is a part of the name issue that is much more problematic for me than changing my name, and that is gaining the title "Mrs."

Full disclosure:  I'm still a little meh about getting married so young.  Though to be honest, my job makes me feel a lot older.  I may be getting married at 23, but at least I don't have a kid (Er, if any work peoples are reading this, no offense, I'm just so not ready for that)!

But I digress.  To me, "Mrs." = "old," and I have enough trouble with giving up feeling young as it is, and adding such an old-sounding title is just, bleh.

But that's not the worst of the problem for me.  My inner feminist has a problem with the word "Mrs."  I always hated that "Mrs." was just an extension of "Mr."  I mean, there is no other reason to abbreviate "missus" with an "r" in it.  And when I think of "Mrs.," I get flash-backs to fifties housewives instead of warm, fuzzy feelings about being Daniel's wife.

Which brings up another word I have a problem with:  "wife."  Now, I have no problem with the word "husband."  That doesn't evoke any negative feelings for me and brings only a few uncomfortable ones.  "Wife" on the other hand makes me cringe whenever I hear it.  "Wife" brings on even more fifties flash-backs than "Mrs."

I know it's all in my head.  I know I will never be the kind of wife that the word makes me envision.  And I know Daniel is the last person who would want me to be that kind of wife.

Nonetheless, the association continues.

So the question remains:  what do I do about it?  I mean, it's not like people aren't going to call me Mrs. F--, and I probably shouldn't cringe every time Daniel calls me his wife.

Well, I'm probably going to go by "Ms." at first even though I used to think that was a pointless addition to the many titles for women (btw, anyone else bugged by the fact that there are 3 titles for women when men only have 1?  Doesn't seem fair to me).  People will still call me Mrs. F--, but that's OK.  People have called Daniel Mr. My Last Name, so it's only fair.

And "wife?"  Well, that one's a bit trickier.  The only solution I have is to get over it.  It will probably take a while, but I'm hoping that once I get used to the word, it will be a happy one instead of suffocating.

Thoughts?  Agreement?  Disagreement?  How do you feel about being a "Mrs." or a "wife?"


  1. I don't really want to be Mrs. Margie or Mrs. Gerber. I think I'd rather have Ms too, but first name for the most part. I will likely always introduce myself as Dana. If we get married, we will NOT be "Mr and Mrs Derek Margie." (I'm still trying to get him to add Gerber to his middle name ...)

    Wife .. I don't mind that one as much, or rather, I don't cringe at it as much. I also cringe less at "husband" than "boyfriend" because I hate saying something like "my boyfriend is also moving in with me" to apartment landlords. It makes me sound so naive/childish!

  2. Yeah, I do get husband being better than boyfriend. I'm starting to feel that way too. Fiance is a pain in the ass to say, but it does sound more serious than boyfriend. Husband will be even more so, and that's nice.


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