Another Baby Post

It has officially been 4 - 6 weeks since my surgery (my projected recovery time).  I dearly wish I could literally laugh in the faces of the nurses/doctors who told me I would be 100% healed by now.  Ha!  Well, at least I can work out now if not as much as I'd like.

Anywho, when I went to the doctor 2 weeks after the surgery, we started talking in earnest about controlling endometriosis and preventing infertility in the long term.  I almost started crying while explaining to her why I didn't want to take Lupron, a drug that basically puts my entire reproductive system on hold and would essentially make me menopausal.  My mom had a really rough time with menopause, and while it has become clear to me that our reproductive experiences have been very, very different, I can't risk the stress right now.  I'd say until we're settled in jobs in one place, and until after the wedding, that's not an option.

But when I saw the doctor again this week, she brought it up again, and I've started thinking about it more long term.

Daniel and I both definitely want to have kids.  That's one of the big things that we have always whole-heartedly agreed on.  And yet, we also agree that we are sooooo not ready to even thinking about it for a while.  Like, until we're both set in our careers, and we've paid off a decent chunk of Daniel's loans.

Now, I have to think about it a little differently.  I was worried about having to choose between myself and my future unborn children before the surgery, but it turns out I have a lot more of a decision to make now.  Without Lupron, I have a moderate risk of not being able to conceive.  With it, that risk diminishes greatly.

But here's the thing:  stress aside, menopause has a lot of side effects, and since the whole point of taking the drug is to get rid of hormones, I wouldn't be able to take them to balance it out like most menopausal women.  Obviously, I'm most worried about anxiety and depression, but there are a lot of other effects that do not sound like fun, including hot flashes, mood swings, decreased libido (which I have enough problems with already), and bone loss which is the thing I'm most worried about long term.  When it comes down to it, I feel like taking Lupron to save myself for my potential fetus would deprive me of a normal life in my twenties just so I might have a better chance of getting pregnant.

I just don't think it's worth it.  And I don't know how I feel about that.  On the one hand, yay women's empowerment and not living for your kids.  On the other hand, I like kids.  A lot.  And I want to have my own.  And so does Daniel.  And it would be really great to meet the child we would one day make..........But, I think my life is more important.  And Daniel thinks my analysis of the situation is sound and that he would probably make the same decision in my situation.  So I don't think I'm going to do it even though our chances for kids will be significantly decreased, and he supports my decision.

Of course, I can always change my mind later.  The longer I go before either taking Lupron or having kids, the higher the risk that irreversible damage will occur.  But I figure I've probably got a few years at least, and the doctor said that she was concerned, but that there wasn't an imminent threat or anything like that.  And I think there's another decision we can make that might work better for us.

My former baby plan was absolutely no children before 30, and even then, it would best to draw it out for as long as Daniel will let me (I sound like such a guy, right?).  But now, I'm thinking maybe it might be better for us to try earlier, assuming of course that we are prepared for it.  Basically, instead of waiting 7 years before even thinking about it, it might be better for us to wait 5 or thereabouts.  And at this point, it's probably going to take a long time to conceive anyway, so it might be best for us to start a little early.

I don't know.  We're definitely not going to rush into anything we're not ready for.  But it's something to think about.

And as much as it sucks to have to think about this kind of stuff before we're even married, I'm glad that I know--not just think, but know--that we know what we're getting into, and we're on the same page.

OK, you may now bring on the sympathy :).