My mom basically just offered to pay for me to have a florist so we don't have to DIY our flowers.
And I basically just forbade her from paying for it.
I have reasons. I've always been the only frugal person in a family that tends to spend more than it really has. In college, I was the only one of my friends who didn't live on a set budget, and I probably could have gotten my parents to give me a lot more money than they did. Instead, I scrimped and saved, lived in shitty (and frankly dangerous) parts of town to save money, and spent an awful lot of time trying to live with the bare minimum so that I could help them by not having to ask for money as often. So this refusing money thing isn't exactly new.
And now more than ever they just don't have it. My brother is going to start at a private school in the fall, my dad's job situation has been precarious for a while (he's in the movie industry and thus does not have stable work at the best of times), and my mom retired in June and doesn't have much of a pension. They don't have money to waste on a florist, and if I don't protect them from themselves, they certainly won't do it.
But sometimes I think I'm an idiot for refusing the help. This isn't the first time. And their argument, that I'm going to stress myself out so much I don't enjoy the wedding, certainly has merit (not gonna lie, I'm worried about this too).
On the other hand, their well-being is so much more important than a stupid flower arrangement, and I'm kind of proud that the girl who wanted to do her wedding on a $10,000 budget not because she had to but because weddings are ridiculously expensive is still in there, alive and angry about my photography budget (more on that later). I've tried to take a more laid-back, non-anxiety-attack-inducing view toward the Almighty Budget, and I've accepted wayyyy more wedding money than I ever thought I would (budget over $15,000? Say what?). But at this point, I'd feel bad for accepting more because it's just not necessary. We're fine, we don't need it, so why put strain on anybody?
Of course, we'll see if I eat those words with a gilded spoon come August.
Where do you draw the line between having the wedding you want and making sure it doesn't interfere too much with your (and your contributor's) life?
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I think you're completely right on this. It's nice of your mom to offer to pay, but if you know that they can't afford it, then just keep refusing and say that is your final answer. You don't have to say "it's because you can't afford it" because that might hurt her feelings, but just say you've had something in mind for awhile DIY style. Hope this helps!!
ReplyDeleteI agree that if you don't feel comfortable taking the money, you should refuse. You won't have to compromise your vision and you won't feel guilty. I think in the long run your mom will be proud of you for paying for your wedding and it turning out so well!
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