Well, it's finally happened.
Do you remember my potential fourth bridesmaid? Long story short, we've been friends for ages despite vast distances between us, and I really wanted to ask her to be a bridesmaid but didn't because I didn't think I could rely on her.
Apparently, my instincts were dead on because she's not even coming to the wedding.
I wish I could say I was surprised. That would hurt, but the fact that I saw this coming, coming almost inevitably, makes it so much worse. Our relationship has been tenuous for a while now, and I've suspected that she doesn't really care about being friends anymore for a long time, but I held on because on the rare occasions that we do get together we get on so well, and it's just as great as it used to be. There's no catch up, no awkward silences, just pure friendship.
But no more. I'm done always being the one to get in touch. This is the last straw.
It's not so much that she's not coming to the wedding. With the proper remorse, that would be OK. She lives far away; I understand it's hard to get here from Utah. A nice phone call or letter explaining would have been fine. Hell, I'd take returning her RSVP card. But a one-line email that she didn't even initiate (it was a response to an email I sent about the bachelorette party) really shows how much she cares, especially when marriage means a lot more to her than it does to me.
I've found that weddings really show you a lot about yourself, your life, and the people and things you care about. The people who care about you will make it one way or another, or at least be genuinely sorry if they can't. The people who care about you will genuinely want to be helpful instead of just offering on a whim. And the people who don't care about you tend to show it in one way or another. Some people have really gone above and beyond to show they care, and to them I am eternally grateful. I guess it was inevitable that someone would disappoint us, and to our guests' credit, there hasn't been anyone else who has so far.
I've definitely seen things about myself, about Daniel, and about some of our guests that have surprised me since the wedding got going. I guess not all of that was ever going to be good, but I don't like having my life and my relationships laid out so clearly in front of me. Because sometimes it hurts.