There's something that's been gnawing at me lately, and it doesn't seem to be going away. When I talk to people about our wedding, whenever I say "we," they assume I mean "I." People do not usually come out and say it, but assumptions they make and snarky little comments definitely make their meaning clear.
This bothers me to no end! Because I am very careful when talking about the wedding to say "I" when I mean "I" and "we" when I mean "we," especially here on this blog.
The fact is that Daniel has opinions about our wedding, strong opinions. I am under no delusions about this being "my day" because it is so obviously going to be "our day." And I'm so happy that I have a groom who does care about the wedding because I want this to be our day and not my day. Sure, I have opinions, and yes, I have more opinions than Daniel does, but that doesn't mean that there are not things he cares about or that I haven't made allowances or sacrifices for those things. And I always ask for his opinion on stuff because we come up with better and more "us" ideas together, and we're similar enough that our ideas usually mesh anyway.
And still, "we" does not mean "we" to most people in wedding world. Why not? Is it us? Does the fact that we spend so much more time thinking about the wedding than the guys make people assume that we don't care about their input? Or do people assume that the groom doesn't really care? Are these stereotypes accurate? Cuz I definitely read blogs where both partners are highly involved in the planning, but with others, the girl definitely seems to be the dominant party. Where do you fit in all this?
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For us, I was the dominant one as far as thinking about the wedding went. It was on my mind far more than it was on his. But as far as the actual planning and execution goes, we were equal. I may have been thinking more, but rarely was a decision made without input from both of us. I think most people assume the guy doesn't care and that the woman is just dragging him along for the ride. And sometimes, that's true. A lot of brides don't even give a second thought to using "I" constantly instead of "we". Honestly, I don't think peoples opinions will ever change about wedding planning and the bridezilla syndrome, so the most we can do is to recognize it amongst ourselves and remember that we're a team. And it sounds like you've got that figured out, so kudos.
ReplyDeleteAndrew was a super-involved groom, so much so that I almost regretted it! It was so hard to follow what my idea of a "perfect wedding" was when he was constantly jumping in and giving his own opinion. But I wouldn't have had it any other way. Thankfully, we already had the same basic ideas, and anything else we managed to compromise. Neither of us have any regrets about how our wedding turned out, and as long as Daniel stays involved, neither will you! I sometimes think that the wedding planning is one of the first and most important tests of your commitment. If you can get through the stress and drama of organizing a wedding together, you'll make it in the long run.
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