A while back, my mom said something that really irked me, and though its been months, I still cringe when I think about it.
My parents have been super cool about letting me do whatever I want and not caring about tradition. As they got married underwater (on scuba. I'll tell you about it some time), and their entire wedding cost less than $1,000, they understand off-beat weddings better than most.
But for some reason I cannot understand, my mom feels like it is their responsibility as the girl's parents to pay for the wedding.
And I can't wrap my head around it.
Granted, my mom is old and somewhat old-fashioned when it comes to gender roles (she lets my dad do EVERYTHING for her, including taking responsibility for paying all of the bills), but she's pretty progressive most of the time. And the idea that she would have such a backwards idea toward who pays for the wedding is beyond me.
Now, feeling bad because Daniel's dad is paying for almost 2/3 of the wedding makes sense to me. And I can see how she would feel bad about me paying for almost 1/3 as well (and by me, I mean my dead grandfather).
But she actually wants to pay FFIL back for everything that he's given us.
It'll never happen, so I'm not really worried about it, but still...it's just so weird to me how persistent she is in her belief that they should be paying for the wedding because it's tradition (speaking of which, isn't it traditionally divided into groom pays for ____ and bride pays for ___? I don't really know, but that's what I've heard). I had them read this article to better show that us modern brides don't play by the sexist rules of yesteryear. But it didn't change her mind even though the girl's parents paying for everything sure sounds like a dowry to me.
And I'm just wondering, do most parents expect the bride's side to pay for certain stuff and the groom's side to pay for other stuff? Do most parents expect you to uphold certain silly traditions? Or gender roles? I know most brides and grooms no longer expect this, but does this insistent clinging to traditions I thought were dead seem weird to anyone else?
My life has been pretty far removed from tradition growing up in a liberal California household, and I know my FFIL does not expect my parents to pay for the whole wedding or even most of it, but I'm just curious if you have encountered this kind of stuff because it completely knocked me off-guard.