When I discovered the amazing awesomeness that is offbeatbride.com featuring our STD video, I also discovered this which I think I may also have had a small something to do with actually.
You may have figured out by now that I am a big, big fan of OffbeatBride.com. In fact, aside from WeddingBee, it's the only major wedding website that I follow regularly. My fiance and I definitely have our geeky side, most of my friends since, like, 6th grade have been nerds, and I just love the creativity and uniqueness (and geeked-out awesomeness) that the Offbeat Brides put into their weddings. I was definitely tempted to join them and have a geektastic reception.
The thing is though, like the author of this post and her Offbeat Lite cohorts, I often feel a little out of place on this site--and even just on normal blogs sometimes--because deep down, I want a traditional wedding in many senses. I want flowers, a good photographer, a nice, formal reception, a big, pouffy white dress, a groom in a tux, and, well, the structure of a normal wedding. There will certainly be offbeat details like my STD video, but we're not actually going to have boardgames, sorting hats, and Disney princesses as centerpieces or do a first Rockband game instead of a first dance. And sometimes, I feel a little lame by our wedding's lack of extraordinariness.
But then, this is the wedding I want. This is the wedding Daniel wants. And as awesome as a Hogwarts cake would be, it's not really the shape we want our wedding to take. And that's OK. And sometimes it's good to remember that despite ANY expectations, this day really is about the two of you.
Showing posts with label tradition. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tradition. Show all posts
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
My Dowry???
A while back, my mom said something that really irked me, and though its been months, I still cringe when I think about it.
My parents have been super cool about letting me do whatever I want and not caring about tradition. As they got married underwater (on scuba. I'll tell you about it some time), and their entire wedding cost less than $1,000, they understand off-beat weddings better than most.
But for some reason I cannot understand, my mom feels like it is their responsibility as the girl's parents to pay for the wedding.
And I can't wrap my head around it.
Granted, my mom is old and somewhat old-fashioned when it comes to gender roles (she lets my dad do EVERYTHING for her, including taking responsibility for paying all of the bills), but she's pretty progressive most of the time. And the idea that she would have such a backwards idea toward who pays for the wedding is beyond me.
Now, feeling bad because Daniel's dad is paying for almost 2/3 of the wedding makes sense to me. And I can see how she would feel bad about me paying for almost 1/3 as well (and by me, I mean my dead grandfather).
But she actually wants to pay FFIL back for everything that he's given us.
It'll never happen, so I'm not really worried about it, but still...it's just so weird to me how persistent she is in her belief that they should be paying for the wedding because it's tradition (speaking of which, isn't it traditionally divided into groom pays for ____ and bride pays for ___? I don't really know, but that's what I've heard). I had them read this article to better show that us modern brides don't play by the sexist rules of yesteryear. But it didn't change her mind even though the girl's parents paying for everything sure sounds like a dowry to me.
And I'm just wondering, do most parents expect the bride's side to pay for certain stuff and the groom's side to pay for other stuff? Do most parents expect you to uphold certain silly traditions? Or gender roles? I know most brides and grooms no longer expect this, but does this insistent clinging to traditions I thought were dead seem weird to anyone else?
My life has been pretty far removed from tradition growing up in a liberal California household, and I know my FFIL does not expect my parents to pay for the whole wedding or even most of it, but I'm just curious if you have encountered this kind of stuff because it completely knocked me off-guard.
My parents have been super cool about letting me do whatever I want and not caring about tradition. As they got married underwater (on scuba. I'll tell you about it some time), and their entire wedding cost less than $1,000, they understand off-beat weddings better than most.
But for some reason I cannot understand, my mom feels like it is their responsibility as the girl's parents to pay for the wedding.
And I can't wrap my head around it.
Granted, my mom is old and somewhat old-fashioned when it comes to gender roles (she lets my dad do EVERYTHING for her, including taking responsibility for paying all of the bills), but she's pretty progressive most of the time. And the idea that she would have such a backwards idea toward who pays for the wedding is beyond me.
Now, feeling bad because Daniel's dad is paying for almost 2/3 of the wedding makes sense to me. And I can see how she would feel bad about me paying for almost 1/3 as well (and by me, I mean my dead grandfather).
But she actually wants to pay FFIL back for everything that he's given us.
It'll never happen, so I'm not really worried about it, but still...it's just so weird to me how persistent she is in her belief that they should be paying for the wedding because it's tradition (speaking of which, isn't it traditionally divided into groom pays for ____ and bride pays for ___? I don't really know, but that's what I've heard). I had them read this article to better show that us modern brides don't play by the sexist rules of yesteryear. But it didn't change her mind even though the girl's parents paying for everything sure sounds like a dowry to me.
And I'm just wondering, do most parents expect the bride's side to pay for certain stuff and the groom's side to pay for other stuff? Do most parents expect you to uphold certain silly traditions? Or gender roles? I know most brides and grooms no longer expect this, but does this insistent clinging to traditions I thought were dead seem weird to anyone else?
My life has been pretty far removed from tradition growing up in a liberal California household, and I know my FFIL does not expect my parents to pay for the whole wedding or even most of it, but I'm just curious if you have encountered this kind of stuff because it completely knocked me off-guard.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Skipping out on Tradition
The time has come for the inevitable "traditions we are skipping" post. There may need to be amendments made down the line, but as of now, we are pretty sure we're ditching these:
1. Veil: I hate veils. I hate, hate, hate veils. I hate the history behind them, I hate the way they look, and I hate the way they cover me and my lovely dress up! Basically, I hate their very purpose. There may be some cool-looking veils out there. My friend tried one on that was emblazoned with tiny pearls and rhinestones that was pretty cool, and Spanish veils can be awfully pretty, and while I couldn't wear one, I think some birdcage veils look really good, but on the whole, I am definitely in the anti-veil camp. I'm not wearing one. Even if my hatred abated down the road, I think of this as an unnecessary expense.
2. The Garter Toss: I don't know why I totally want to do the bouquet toss but really find the garter toss misogynistic, but I do. Maybe it's because 80 people do not need to see Daniel sticking his hands up my dress. Garters are also an unnecessary expense. We're not doing it. However, I'd be cool with Daniel throwing something else if we could come up with something good.
3. Traditional Ceremony: I'm an atheist, and Daniel's a non-religious Jew. Traditional ceremony of any sort wouldn't really capture us. We'll probably do what many a blogger has done and write our own ceremony. We also really want to have a friend officiate. Haven't quite decided who yet, but we're pretty stuck on that idea.
4. Not Seeing the Bride before the Wedding: Don't like this veil either. And I wouldn't be able to sleep the night before without Daniel, so we'll definitely be sharing a room, and we'll probably have to do a fair amount of set-up together the day of. However, I am still hopeful that we won't see each other all prettied up until the actual ceremony.
5. Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, and Something Blue: Where did this even come from? I just don't care. I didn't even know about this tradition until later in life, so it has no sentimental value for me.
6. Traditional Wedding Band: We're still deciding between a few rings, but neither of us will have a traditional-looking wedding band. No solid bands or little diamonds here. We want something a little more unique.
7. Addressing Invitations by Hand: Um, we don't have great penmanship, and I am not paying someone to do this, so yay for printed labels!
8. Throwing Rice: Yeah, I'm not a bird-killer. But perhaps bubbles...
9. Wedding on the Weekend: Don't know for sure about this yet, but there is an excellent chance that we will have the wedding on a Monday to cut costs or avoid crowds. We've definitely visited venues where this would be necessary financially, and since most of our guests are OOT, it wouldn't be much of an inconvenience to them.
10. First Dance: Oh we're doing one all right, but it won't be traditional. Other than that, I'm going to have to leave you hanging, sorry!
11. Bridal Party: Each of us is going to have a member of our bridal party who is the opposite sex. I want my brother standing by me, and Daniel wants a close female friend from college. We don't want our people on the other person's side just because of their gender, so there will be a little mixing in our lines.
I'm sure there are more, but I'm going to leave it there for now because so much is still uncertain.
What traditions are you chucking?
1. Veil: I hate veils. I hate, hate, hate veils. I hate the history behind them, I hate the way they look, and I hate the way they cover me and my lovely dress up! Basically, I hate their very purpose. There may be some cool-looking veils out there. My friend tried one on that was emblazoned with tiny pearls and rhinestones that was pretty cool, and Spanish veils can be awfully pretty, and while I couldn't wear one, I think some birdcage veils look really good, but on the whole, I am definitely in the anti-veil camp. I'm not wearing one. Even if my hatred abated down the road, I think of this as an unnecessary expense.
2. The Garter Toss: I don't know why I totally want to do the bouquet toss but really find the garter toss misogynistic, but I do. Maybe it's because 80 people do not need to see Daniel sticking his hands up my dress. Garters are also an unnecessary expense. We're not doing it. However, I'd be cool with Daniel throwing something else if we could come up with something good.
3. Traditional Ceremony: I'm an atheist, and Daniel's a non-religious Jew. Traditional ceremony of any sort wouldn't really capture us. We'll probably do what many a blogger has done and write our own ceremony. We also really want to have a friend officiate. Haven't quite decided who yet, but we're pretty stuck on that idea.
4. Not Seeing the Bride before the Wedding: Don't like this veil either. And I wouldn't be able to sleep the night before without Daniel, so we'll definitely be sharing a room, and we'll probably have to do a fair amount of set-up together the day of. However, I am still hopeful that we won't see each other all prettied up until the actual ceremony.
5. Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, and Something Blue: Where did this even come from? I just don't care. I didn't even know about this tradition until later in life, so it has no sentimental value for me.
6. Traditional Wedding Band: We're still deciding between a few rings, but neither of us will have a traditional-looking wedding band. No solid bands or little diamonds here. We want something a little more unique.
7. Addressing Invitations by Hand: Um, we don't have great penmanship, and I am not paying someone to do this, so yay for printed labels!
8. Throwing Rice: Yeah, I'm not a bird-killer. But perhaps bubbles...
9. Wedding on the Weekend: Don't know for sure about this yet, but there is an excellent chance that we will have the wedding on a Monday to cut costs or avoid crowds. We've definitely visited venues where this would be necessary financially, and since most of our guests are OOT, it wouldn't be much of an inconvenience to them.
10. First Dance: Oh we're doing one all right, but it won't be traditional. Other than that, I'm going to have to leave you hanging, sorry!
11. Bridal Party: Each of us is going to have a member of our bridal party who is the opposite sex. I want my brother standing by me, and Daniel wants a close female friend from college. We don't want our people on the other person's side just because of their gender, so there will be a little mixing in our lines.
I'm sure there are more, but I'm going to leave it there for now because so much is still uncertain.
What traditions are you chucking?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
